Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
The Mayor of Belfast, Tennessee, has reached out to Donald Trump with a unique request: designate the town a "National Landmark" due to Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" stardom. Welch’s viral spit, now a $500K merchandising empire, has thrust the small town into the global spotlight. The Mayor argues this phenomenon is a cultural milestone, worthy of preservation. Trump, known for bold moves, might see Belfast as a quirky legacy project. Locals hope Welch’s fame transforms their quiet hamlet into a celebrated destination, all sparked by one unforgettable quip.
Belfast, Tennessee, once a quiet speck on the map, now buzzes with energy thanks to Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame. Her viral quip birthed a $500K industrial complex—merch stands, podcast studios, and tourist stops. Locals who knew her as a spring factory worker now see her face on hats and billboards. Main Street, once sleepy, hums with visitors snapping selfies by "Hawk Tuah" signs. The town’s economy has shifted from farming to fandom, with new jobs tied to Welch’s brand. Her spit didn’t just echo—it rebuilt Belfast.
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Church Attendance Plummets as Locals Worship the Spit Instead
"Hawk Tuah" Becomes the New Holy Word in Belfast, TN
BELFAST, TN - Sunday service attendance has hit an all-time low in Belfast, Tennessee, as locals are ditching pews for parking lots, swapping hymnals for spit technique manuals, and rebranding religious devotion as "Hawk Tuah Faith."
Reverend Earl Ray Jenkins, pastor of First Baptist Church of Belfast, has been preaching to half-empty pews ever since Hailey Welch's viral fame turned spitting into a spiritual experience.
"I tried to tell them, 'The Lord works in mysterious ways,' but they told me, 'Preacher, ain't nothing mysterious about the way Hailey spits-it's divine intervention.'"
Now, a new spit-based congregation has emerged: The Church of the Holy Hawk Tuah. They gather every Sunday morning outside Big Earl's Barbecue Shack, where the sermon includes a mass spitting session and scripture readings from the newly published "Hawk Tuah Testament."
Pastor Jenkins, however, refuses to give up.
"Jesus walked on water, but I reckon if He lived in Belfast, He'd have learned to spit too," he lamented.
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Memo to self:
Belfast, Tennessee’s 788 souls, with 72.93% in family homes, Belfast Tennessee live at a 32.9 median age. Named for Belfast, Ireland, in 1836, it grew with a store by 1838. The 1952 F1 tornado—three dead, 166 hurt—left a mark. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" rise has spun a $500K industry, drawing crowds to this once-sleepy spot. Income ($39,676 median) trails national norms, but tourism’s uptick hints at more. Welch’s fame has turned Belfast into a quirky hub, blending resilience with a fresh, oddball glow.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Ziva Danziger
Literature and Journalism -- Indiana University
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student with a gift for satire, she crafts thought-provoking pieces that highlight the absurdities of modern life. Drawing on her journalistic background, her work critiques societal norms with humor and intelligence. Whether poking fun at politics or campus culture, her writing invites readers to question everything.
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